Off She Goes

Screaming in the silence of her thoughts. Pallid in the wake of everything that surrounds her. She runs. She scrambles. She feels the presence of a maelstrom brewing. Cries resonating from afar continue to haunt her, the farther she runs, the nearer she hears. 

Ruins of the past flicker. And all the more it reverberates….RUN! RUN! RUN!!! She leaped and bellowed real hard, hoping that all these exist only in the deep recesses of her consciousness. But no, it is hounding, hunting her like a pack of hungry wolves.

She halts, then heaves deeply. Soon she feels she’s falling, free-falling while everything else is numb.

Then there’s silence. Her much needed silence.

Freedom finally becomes her.

 

 

 

Palitaw

Para kang palitaw…lulubog, lilitaw.

Para kang bula, na bigla na lang mawawala. 

Para kang hangin na di mapukaw sa tingin. 

Para kang payaso na minsan nakangiti, minsan nakanguso.

Ano ba talaga ang papel mo sa buhay ko? 

Dadating ka ng wala sa panahon, at

bigla na lang maglalaho kung kelan mo gusto.

Tama na. Ayoko na.  Isa kang palaisipan.

Hindi ako ipinanganak para maging pangalawa sa buhay mo. 

Dahil kung tutuusin, wala kang papel sa mundo ko.

Lost and Found

The internet never cease to amaze me. Ok, if you find it too cliche-ic, sue me. At least I found something to blog about before this li’l ‘ol turf gets buried to the eternal ho-hum world.

Aside from providing the information you need with just a few mouse clicks here and there, you get to find your long lost old chums in elementary and high school years, or you find yourself being hunted by some ghosts from your past. And I mean these “ghosts” whom the last time you remembered seeing them was when you wanted to hit them with a hefty thwack on their face. Ok, it’s a bit of an exaggeration but the thing is, you never thought that an ex-flame would find you again, of all places – thru Facebook. If I am to give credit to Facebook, it’s how it re-connects people who wanted to get re-connected; likewise, I discredit it for enabling people to track you down by a few kilobytes’ run or so. 

Anyway, after finding a number of people from my adolescent years and realizing that ex-flames sometimes do rise up from the dead, I’ve discovered a handful of recurring behavior that I find quite odd :

 

• I’d mentally measure the poundage they’ve gained through the years by simply scanning their photos. If my estimate is more than my extra weight, well hell ya, I am relieved. At least, there’s more of them who are plus-sized than me. 
• I’d take note if they have changed their surnames or not. Well, why not? It’s an assurance that I am not the only single woman standing in this world! Like, welcome to the club dearie!
• Sometimes, I would silently comment how much older they looked than their age. So I admit, I can be shrewd at times. So sue me again.
• Oh and I’d scan “the-ex’s”  profile for pictures of the wife. I get curious to see the one whom they ended up with. Then I see only imperfections – too fat, too dark, too old….hah! I’m prettier as always…hahahaha! Bitterness. tsk.

Tsk.tsk.tsk.  Me-is-bad. Me-is-rude. Me-is-bitter. 

Hey, I’m sure you’ve acted this way before. C’mon.

Hanging On

I am currently overwhelmed with the surge of thoughts running inside my head, that I find it difficult to pin down to this very spot.

It’s a bit of a challenge to freeze these thoughts and put it all together in one comprehensible, logical post. I tried. But it just didn’t work. I had several drafts landing in the trash….and if I keep on trying, heaps of rubbish will be sent to the bin.

So I find it best to return when this uproar has finally settled down.

I will be back. Definitely.

Zzzzzzz

There are thoughts running in my head, but my keyboard failed to track it down.

Sorry folks. I hit the lazy button again.I’ll be back…promise.

The Incredible Hulk

This afternoon, my patience unexpectedly snapped, thus triggered the release of that long-hibernating-monster inside of me.

Long story short, I got pissed with the way a subordinate answered me back over the telephone today. I gave him a task in preparation for tomorrow’s schedule, but it seemed he�has to be reminded every now and then about that task at hand. Of all things, I hate, hate it when I have to do follow ups. I hate, hate it when the person seemed to be not interested and downright indolent. And the more I hate it when he’s obviously bluffing, thinking that I would buy his stupid reason.

And worse, he laughed when I raised my voice a few decibels higher. His laugher pierced into my ears like blood rushing straight into my head. He thought that I was joking. As in. He thought I was JOKING� I was fuming mad. My voice reverberated up to the farthest end of the office walls.

Silence.

Trembling, I got out of my room, reached for my purse and headed towards the office pantry.�Then smoked two sticks of cigarettes in less than five minutes.

As I write, I can still feel my hands shaking. It’s like an aftershock following a strong earthquake. And I was thinking, maybe I was just a little too uptight. Or maybe because I’m on my way over the hill that my patience is wearing thin already. But still, there are some other people who’ll keep on knocking you off to bring out the worse in you.

I hate this feeling because I know it’ll take a while for this to wear off.

I hate this feeling. Because I’ll find it hard to sleep well tonight thinking that I unlocked the untamed monster again.

Tummy Talk

I’m having the worst feeling ever. I feel bloated and my stomach is like a detonator ready to explode anytime. To make matters worse, my digestive system isn’t cooperating. And to make it even more dreadful – the monthly visitor came just in time when my intestines are wreaking havoc.

Sp take your pick – dysmenorrhea or dyspepsia? Or dysmenorrhea AND dyspepsia all at the same time.

Aaarrrggghhh.