It’s One of Those Days.

You know it’s one of those days when….

  1. Your eyes are transfixed on your computer screen for hours, and you can’t seem to get things done at work. Only to realize it’s already time to go.
  2. You pig out during lunch and dinner time, as if it’s going to be the last meals of your life. And in between those monumental food tripping, you think more about what to eat in between….ice cream, chips, chocolates matched with a very ice-cold soda.
  3. The rains add up to your dumpy mood.
  4. Nothing and no one can cheer you up.
  5. You’re physically here but you’re there….still wandering about your recent three week sojourn, which you find it hard to get over with.
  6. The dark clouds cling to you like fridge magnets. The more you run away, the more sticky they become.
  7. …and lastly, you remember you have an inactive blog, log in and type away your thoughts. Wahla, you have a new post!
Aaaah….it’s one of those friggin’ days again.

Keeping the Flames

….of friendship that is.

Keeping it and trying NOT to drift apart can be as difficult as saving your relationship. Especially when: you feel like you don’t share the same interests anymore; when your priorities are different from theirs; when you meet-up and you seem to run out of things to talk about; or you feel like you have a lot of catching up to do but you have no idea when and where to start.

And worse, when you’ve become complete strangers.

There’s nothing more painful than having a friendship that is at the brink of falling apart.

But then again, I still believe that it’s never too late. There are friendships who are worth saving, especially those that have endured difficult times. But the question is, do they feel like saving the friendship too?

Well, it takes two (or maybe three) to tango.

Off She Goes

Screaming in the silence of her thoughts. Pallid in the wake of everything that surrounds her. She runs. She scrambles. She feels the presence of a maelstrom brewing. Cries resonating from afar continue to haunt her, the farther she runs, the nearer she hears. 

Ruins of the past flicker. And all the more it reverberates….RUN! RUN! RUN!!! She leaped and bellowed real hard, hoping that all these exist only in the deep recesses of her consciousness. But no, it is hounding, hunting her like a pack of hungry wolves.

She halts, then heaves deeply. Soon she feels she’s falling, free-falling while everything else is numb.

Then there’s silence. Her much needed silence.

Freedom finally becomes her.

 

 

 

Palitaw

Para kang palitaw…lulubog, lilitaw.

Para kang bula, na bigla na lang mawawala. 

Para kang hangin na di mapukaw sa tingin. 

Para kang payaso na minsan nakangiti, minsan nakanguso.

Ano ba talaga ang papel mo sa buhay ko? 

Dadating ka ng wala sa panahon, at

bigla na lang maglalaho kung kelan mo gusto.

Tama na. Ayoko na.  Isa kang palaisipan.

Hindi ako ipinanganak para maging pangalawa sa buhay mo. 

Dahil kung tutuusin, wala kang papel sa mundo ko.

Some Good Things

They don’t really last.

For the past months, I thought I was sailing on calmer seas. Or rather, I was making a steady uphill climb. One. Step. At. A. Time.  This is something that I have worked for (and is still working on) since the beginning of the year. Somehow, there’s a glimmer of hope. That finally, after each careful step, I was finally on my way to reach that goal that I’ve been wanting to reach. 

Then it happened. A deluge of events suddenly pulled me back to where I started. I knew there’s a catch to all these. That sooner or later an anti-climax would tow me out of this temporary euphoria. And I was right. The sudden impact was indescribable, yet I couldn’t feel anything that I’d rather see myself crying than feeling dangerously numb. 

Yes, I think I’m back to square one, it will take doubled hard work before I could be near that purpose again.

Sigh.  

But anyway, I know I have to move on again….and find at least a flicker of thin hope that everything will be fine again.

Sigh. Some good things – never really last.

All in a Day

I took these pictures in one single day. It amuses me how, by just looking around and taking shots (thank God for camera phones!) you’d realize how bizarre, frustrating and (at one point) infuriating it is to live in our beloved country.

Amidst the scorching heat of the sun, and the seemingly endless wait just to get hold of the government subsidized rice….throngs of fellow third world citizens greeted me as I opened our house gate going to work earlier this morning.

Then on my way to work, this “numbered” government plate on top suddenly cut my way. What’s more infuriating is, the vehicle is an SUV, which automatically translates to at least a million peso robbery from our taxes. And to add insult to injury, an equally identical car passed by with an equally “numbered” plate. So make that at least two million off our taxes. Yeah right.

Then after a long day at work, my colleagues and I decided to drop by at a nearby grocery store. So picture this, it’s rush hour, there’s limited parking space, every single vehicle is grappling for a parking space – only to see this. What the f__k! A car occupying two parking slots! And believe it or not, there were two security guards in bicycles roaming around the parking lot! How on mother earth did a moron get a way with this?!

Tsk. What a day indeed.

Making Choices

Have you ever felt like being stuck in a deep sigh? Where you just wanted to heave a deep breath just to make things better? Where you’re so damn confused about certain things and each move you make needs to be assessed and reassessed in such a way that it would all help you steer closer to calmer seas?

It’s one of those days again. Just as I thought that the worst is over, that thinking is already over and done with, here comes change again, for the umpteenth time, out to challenge if there’s still an ounce of resilience running thru my veins or simply out there to see if I’d choose to runaway (again) and be buried inside my comfort zone forever.

I’ve been spending nights on end thinking about options. Listing down the pros and cons and weighing things that matter most. But by doing so I’ve come to realize that I cannot have the best of both worlds. And in as much as I wanted to hold on to things that are important to me, I do have to give up some to be able to move a step forward.

And I know that the more I delay things, the harder it gets; the more I think it over the more complex it becomes; the more people I talk to, the more confused I get.

But still, decisions have to be made. At the end of the day, it is still MY choice.

Sigh. If only life is as simple as saying yes or no